Thursday, November 13, 2008

Nancy Pelosi Seeks $50B For News Company

BERKELEY - Scooter's Report (SR), one of America's premier web-based news and commentary sites, yesterday presented House Speaker Nancy Pelosi with a formal request for a $37 billion assistance package, needed to provide additional liquidity for the company.

Speaker Pelosi called the requested aid package "absolutely vital in safeguarding the viability of America's electronic media," and said she is also asking for an additional $13 billion to "even out the number and make sure they have a little extra, just in case."

C.E.O. of Scooter's Report, Scooter Van Neuter, speaking from his overwater bungalow in French Polynesia, publicly thanked Pelosi for her "diligence and steadfastness" in supporting key American industries, and expressed regret for any past SR "articles or photos that may have cast Madame Speaker in a less than favorable light."


Vivacious Pelosi "steadfast"

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Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Obamas Visit White House, Rare Items Missing

WASHINGTON (SR) - President-elect Barack Obama visited with President Bush in the Oval Office Monday, discussing a wide range of economic and national security issues.

White House Press Secretary Dana Perino described the sessions as "good, constructive, relaxed and friendly," but wouldn't comment further, citing the fact that is was a private meeting.

While the President and President-elect spoke, Laura Bush and Michelle Obama spent time together touring the White House and talking about raising children. Perino said the two were very much at ease, with Mrs. Obama discussing her plans to "get rid of all the old stuff" and "go tribal in the joint," indicating her desire to decorate
the White House with African accents, signifying her family's roots.

Several hours after the visit, reports came out of the White House indicating several items were missing, including an Oval Office paperweight formerly owned by President Grover Cleveland, and a silver soap dish and vase originally owned by Jacqueline Kennedy.

Press Secretary Dana Perino described the missing items as "invaluable," and asked that whoever took them to "please return them immediately, or at least by the end of the next term."


The Obamas say goodbye to President and Mrs. Bush

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Tuesday, November 04, 2008