RightBias Idiot Awards
By Nancy Morgan
AND THE WINNER IS:
A Maryland woman is the winner of our Top Idiot of the Month Award. Alas, she is unable to accept the award in person as she is currently in the hospital recovering from injuries she incurred after she attached a sex toy to a saber saw blade and proceeded to, well, experiment. Suffice to say, she probably saw the error of her ways.
A Japanese groom got cold feet as his wedding approached. In order to buy more time to decide if he really wanted to tie the knot, he set fire to the hotel the wedding was supposed to be held in. Hey, it worked! He now has 5 years (in prison) to debate the merits of attaching himself to the old ball and chain.
A British woman deliberately bit off her boyfriend's tongue during a kiss after she complained that she wanted a baby and wasn't getting pregnant. We'll go out on a limb and predict she won't be winning a future 'Mother of the Year' award.
A Florida man has been arrested. His crime? He decided to put out his brother's cigarette with a fire extinguisher. "I asked him to put it out, but he wouldn't." Sounds reasonable to me.
A Florida woman and a card-holding member of the "I've Got Rights" generation, called 9-11, not once, but three times. Her emergency? Her local McDonalds was out of Chicken McNuggets. I bet you $100 bucks she voted for Obama.
Last, but not least, we have a bureaucrat over in Germany who proposed a novel and high-tech way of dealing with the menace of dog poo on city streets: DNA testing to identify the canine culprit and fine its owner. Enough said.
Thousands of bike riders have decided to shed their clothes in the hopes they can get us all to start thinking about the negative effects that cars, and the pollution they create, have on the environment. Is anyone else having trouble finding a connection between banning the internal combustion engine and a bunch of naked people on bikes?
MOST IDIOTIC STATEMENTS AWARDS:
Sen. John Kerry, (Vietnam vet) is the winner in this category. He gravely intoned last week that deferring costly actions to combat global warming because of the economic crisis amounted to "a mutual suicide pact." Words fail...
Tied for first place is Father Earth, Algore, who actually expects people to believe him when he says, "There is a very impressive consensus now emerging around the world that the solutions to the economic crisis are also the solutions to the climate crisis," Say what?
Vice-President Joe Biden has figured out somehow that only "5 percent of the Taliban is incorrigible, not susceptible to anything other than being defeated. Another 25 percent or so are not quite sure, in my view, the intensity of their commitment to the insurgency. And roughly 70 percent are involved because of the money, because of them being -- getting paid." How could Rasmussen have missed this poll?
Prince Charles has earned inclusion and honorable mention in the Idiotic Statement category for bravely warning the world that we have "less than 100 months to act" before the damage caused by global warming becomes irreversible. Oh well, at least he's not King.
Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, said, with a straight face, "There seems to -- some people think there seems to be a market for saying that I am very partisan, and that I don't give the Republicans their opportunity. That simply is not true." Here's a thought - how about we collect a dollar for every 'misstatement' made by a politician. Poof - no more economic crisis. (You heard it here first:)
So many idiots, so little space. Try to keep laughing,